I’m grouchy. I’m irritable. I am cranky. Twelve and a half hours without a cigarette. Yes, I have the patch on, and it seems to do a fairly good job until I take a drink of black coffee. I normally don’t drink black coffee, normally, I have delicious and fattening mochas. I knew if I made a mocha today, it would be my undoing. So a regular cup of joe for me. But every time I take a drink, I want to take a drag. There’s not a single smoke in the house. I had the last one last night. I didn’t need the temptation laying around, that would just weaken me right there. Deep breath. That’s what I am doing when the craving hits. Deep breath of air. I’ve called Spurg at work and asked if he could bring me some carrots when he comes home from lunch. I think if I have something I can stick in my mouth like carrot sticks that it will help. Break those old habits and the hand to mouth actions.It’s hard to concentrate. Total lack of focus today. I’m trying to knit, but it’s just not happening. Maybe in a little bit. Maybe I just need to step outside for a few minutes and inhale deeply. I’m going to get through this. I have to get through this. I made a promise to myself. Smoking was a love/hate relationship for me. I loved it and I hated being dependent on it, I hated how I needed it, how it is affecting my body through the years. I’m tired of being short of breath, I’m tired of not having energy, I’m tired of always making sure I didn’t run out, and I’m tired of how it made my hair and clothes smell.

I’m posting this so I can remind myself of the why behind quitting. So other’s can see what smoking does and how addicting it is. Sure, it’s legal, but it’s still a drug. I can tell you right now that I have been smoking on and off since I was 12. I thought it was cool at the time, but now I see it for what it is. A deep addiction that leads down paths I no longer want to follow. I can do this.

I will try to post knitting content tomorrow, with pictures. For now, I just need some air.